Today is World Mental Health Day, a day where everyone comes together to raise awareness for Mental Health.
There is such a stigma when it comes to this topic, so many people are told to "get over it" and that they are "overreacting" and they should "just snap out of it" and "stop attention seeking" but what these people who said those horrible things don't realise is that it's not possible to "just snap out of it" if it was do you really think they would still be struggling? Do you really think they want to go through this? The answer to that is no. No they don't want to go through this so if we could 'snap out of it' trust me we would. The words you say can really affect someone who struggles with Mental Illness, how do I know that? Because, I myself struggle with Mental Illness and I get affected by peoples horrible words.
My Story - Depression
It started back in 2012, I was having the worst year of my life...
- One of my close Auntie's died in February of that year - she was the first relative I had lost in my life time.
- I was being constantly bullied and put down by about 4 different people throughout that year.
- The roof on my house started to leak, it was leaking into my room. It wasn't so bad at first but when we got some builders out to fix it after they left the roof got much worse - we later found out that they were cowboy builders, that leak destroyed half of my room, along with loads of memories I had in my cupboard. Books ruined, cd's ruined, dvds ruined and worst of all some of my pictures of my childhood were also ruined.
- And then in July of 2012 my parents came to me and told me that they were getting divorced and are no longer going to be together.
(I didn't tell you all of that for you to feel sorry for me or to get sympathy, I told you it all because I wanted to, because I don't mind sharing it and because it is all part of how my depression started which is what I'm telling you the story of)
It got to about November 2012 and everything had just piling up on top of each other, I was only 15 years old at the time and I just couldn't take it anymore. I broke. I cried and cried, I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning to go to school and when I did actually go to school I just cried throughout the whole day. I had no idea why I was crying most of the time, I would just start crying out of no where. No one understand what was wrong me, I didn't even understand what was wrong with me we just all assumed I would be okay after a while, after I had processed what was happening in my life. I didn't even go to a Doctor until much later on...after my anxiety had started.
My Story - Anxiety & Panic Attacks
Fast forward to February 2013, it was a Thursday, I don't know the exact date but I do know that it was on a Thursday. I woke up feeling sick, dizzy and out of it but for some reason I wanted to go to school still although I felt awful. So I got into the car with my mum and she drove me to school, once we got to the carpark of the school I started freaking out really bad, I had no idea what it was but I got so scared and told my mum to drive me home - I felt like this for the entire day. The next day I went back to school, I was okay when I woke up but again once I was in school it went downhill. My legs felt like they weren't a part of my body, my head started spinning and I felt really sick so I went home again. This kept happening for days so I avoided school all together, I was too anxious to go. After a while of feeling this way my mum took me to the doctors to find out what was wrong with me, at the beginning we thought I had a bug but as it went on it was clear that it was more than that. I explained everything that was going on to the doctor, including the months of crying. First he diagnosed me with Depression and then after explaining I couldn't go to school and I would panic if I tried to, he also diagnosed me with Anxiety and Panic Attacks. So I was diagnosed with 3 things that day - Depression, Anxiety and Panic Attacks.
My Story - Living with Depression, Anxiety & Panic Attacks
Even though I had a diagnosis it didn't make me feel any better. As time went on I got worse. I couldn't go to school, I couldn't leave my house at all, I just stayed in my bed, I cried for hours on end, I would have multiple panic attacks in one day, I couldn't sleep and would be awake all night, I kept getting intrusive thoughts, I was a mess. This went on for months! No one knew what to do, friends thought I was lying and left me, I had family members say "you're going to end up getting put away" and they said I was lazy plus a load of other hurtful things as well.
Eventually I managed to get myself back to the doctors office where he prescribed me medication and referred me to a counsellor as well.
I went through many different medication and counsellors and fighting to get myself the help I needed until finally I reached a point where I said screw you, your not helping me, I'm just going to do this myself I'm sick of living this way and something needs to be done about it!
My Story - Finding my own path
After I realised I was getting no where with all the doctors and counsellors and everything else I took matters into my own hands.
I researched all about my mental illnesses to find out as much as I could to make me understand them better, I bought books on Anxiety for additional information and tips on what to do. I started taking small steps at a time - I sat in my garden for 5 minutes, then kept increasing that time, then I walked round the block, then I kept increasing that distance, and I kept doing small things like this until eventually I was able to go to school again. Don't think this happened quickly because it didn't, it took months of fighting to get to that.
I started doing half days at school because full days were far too overwhelming for me but I was happy with half days, it was something at least and it was better than not turning up at all which I was doing previously.
Unfortunately my school took me out of my lessons because they said I had missed too much of school and couldn't be in those lessons anymore so I was put in a room called PSB which stands for Pastoral Support Base which is basically where you would be sent if you misbehaved in class. Although they also thought it was a good idea to put those that were struggling in there too (it wasn't a good idea at all) so that is where I was for my entire last year of secondary school. I was basically teaching myself.
I kept up with my half days for the whole year, I was doing really well with my mental illness when it came to school. Then I graduated secondary school and you know that 6 week summer holiday break we get? Yeah well during that I fell back into the same place of staying in bed all, having panic attacks constantly, not sleeping etc. My Depression, Anxiety and Panic Attacks had taken full control of me again.
My Story - Fighting Again
It took me a long time but I began to fight again, I started taking small steps once again and I changed my doctor to a much better one and finally got the help I needed regarding medication and counselling (this was 2015). Again it took a very long time but I began to feel like myself again which brings us to now - 2016. I am in a much better place than I was, I'm able to go out again, I'm even able to sleep at someone elses house for the night which is something I was never able to do. I found some good friends, got myself a boyfriend and I'm also doing work experience as a teaching assistant whilst searching for a job as a special educational needs teaching assistant. It took me years to get to where I am now, it doesn't happen quick but there is a light at the end of the tunnel I promise you. I still struggle now, sometimes daily and then sometimes once a month or so - it keeps changing depending on how I feel and what's happening in my life. I have bad days but they are much further apart than before and good days have been slotted in between them.
The Anxiety, Depression and Panic Attacks are still there, they make an appearance sometimes but now they are a part of me instead of being me. You can get to this stage too, I believe in you! :)
Tips - How I Cope
- Distraction - When I feel anxious or I'm having a panic attack I try to distract myself by watching tv, reading a book, talking to someone etc.
- Talking - I was constantly talking to my mum during the whole time and I found that talking with her made me feel much better.
- Writing - Writing my thoughts down really helps me because it gets them out of my mind and on to paper instead.
- Allowing myself to have a bad day - Sometimes allowing yourself to have a bad day can be good. When I used to be really depressed I would say to myself "today I'm going to allow myself to stay in bed and cry or watch films or whatever it is I feel like doing and then tomorrow I'm going to get up and carry on with life.
I have so many more tips but these are just a few for now and maybe one day I will do a whole blog post full of tips I have for those suffering from Mental Illness.
I've never explained my story in full before so I hope this helps some of you out there and I hope this post goes down well with everyone. Like I said higher up in this post I haven't told you all of this for you to feel sorry for me or give me sympathy, I just wanted to tell my story and experience with Mental Health.
All the best
Megan
xo
